Asked and Answered

I am not an empath.. at least not in the traditional sense. Everyone’s feelings don’t get to live

with me. However, I am a collector. I hold the people I care about feelings in high regard,

sometimes higher than I hold my own and sometimes to my own detriment.

Recently, someone whose feelings I care about, revealed their true feelings about me. I was so

hurt. I couldn’t believe that I misread our connection that badly. How did I miss the part where

the person I thought was my ‘friend’ was actually my Opp?!

I started to ask myself “what did I miss?” Yeah.. I completely understand Drake. Where did I

miss the fact that that person never cared for me? Where did I miss that my presence wasn’t

sought after, appreciated or necessary? Where did I miss that my successes weren’t

celebrated? Why did I ignore all the instances where they did not stand up for me or ask how I

was doing?

I was asking the questions and slowly I got my answers. I missed all the clues because I was

busy being the type of friend I am to all my friends. I was busy taking care of their feelings and

emotions. I ignored the moments when I reached out, needing support and they weren’t there

and didn’t try to be. I missed the fact that other people got that persons best while I got basically

afterthoughts and nothing.

So, how do I navigate that? I cry of course. I’m a human. I’m a girl and crying is my release. But

it doesn’t stop there. After the crying, I step back and take in the answers to my questions. I

accept the hard truths. I give myself grace because I deserve that. I allow the pain to engulf me.

I force my heart to allow the break that is coming. I sit with the pain knowing it’s a part of the

process. I let it hurt. I let it heal, then I let it go. Trust me, this is way easier said than done.

Many days I want to run back to a safe space, give more time and space to this person because

that’s easier than dealing with this pain. But what would that cost me in self respect? Yeah no.

I asked the questions. I got the answers. And I’ll get through it.

Joyce :))